Unexpected Suffering, Unexpected God

Posted on May 3, 2013 by Christa Upton

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by Christa Upton

If you find God leading you on a frightening journey you never expected, you might want to check out this CD:

http://www.traviscottrellstore.com/found-cd-p-9.html

In particular, a song on this CD called “Falling” has ministered to me time and time again during my journey with MCS, scary physical symptoms, homelessness, and loss.  “God Leads us Along” is also excellent, containing truth that comforts.

We have a God so Big that He surpasses all our trials, all our sorrows, all our doubts.  (Thank you, Julie L., for this reminder!!)

Your sorrow, your circumstances, and maybe even your friends might tell you that God has (in essence) left you.  Your feelings might scream at you that God does not care.  The overwhelming grief of your situation might threaten to tear you away from the truths of the Bible.  But I am here to tell you that feelings, circumstances, and sometimes even friends lie.  The Word of God is true even when we don’t feel like it is true.

Hebrews 13:5c says, “…for He hath said, I WILL NEVER LEAVE THEE, NOR FORSAKE THEE.”

My Bible has that line in capitals; I like that.

I’m glad God does NOT say He’ll only stick with us if we don’t get angry at Him.

I’m glad He doesn’t threaten to give up on us. “A bruised reed He will not break, And smoking flax He will not quench; He will bring forth justice for truth.”  Isaiah 42:3  http://www.biblestudytools.com/nkjv/isaiah/42.html

I am glad I can’t get away from God!!!

“If I take the wings of the morning,

And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,

Even there Your hand shall lead me,

And Your right hand shall hold me.”

Psalm 139:9-10  http://www.biblestudytools.com/nkjv/psalms/139.html    Never in my life have I felt this Scripture more than now.

In the last four years, I have been terrified, so angry I threw stuff against the wall, so distressed I thought I would drown, so devastated I thought I could not be more broken.

I did not expect God to lead us where He has led us in the last five years.

But neither did I expect to find God as Big as He is.

 

Christa Upton      Black Hills Picture Books       PO Box 293      Custer, SD 57730

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Posted in Caregivers, God's Grace/Encouragement, Homelessness, MCS/Chronic Illness, Suffering/Grief | Leave a comment

My Spirit Refreshed, My Soul Fed

Posted on April 30, 2013 by Christa Upton

Today my spirit was refreshed and my soul was fed.

We attended a Young Chautauqua presentation—a wonderful group of young people that “became” various heroic, historic figures.  It was outside, in a safe place for me!  (I got out of my “MCS prison” for an afternoon!!!  🙂 )

We “met” Teddy Roosevelt, Sarah Edwards, Diet Eman, Jim Bridger, and Dolly Madison.  I have never experienced anything that made history come so alive!

I love history, and this was just wonderful; our children also enjoyed it and learned so much.

The performers were energetic, enthusiastic, and talented.  These young people even wrote their own presentations—fantastic first-person depictions of these historic people!

If you live or will be in the Black Hills area, you can see this presentation at:

  • Oelrichs Community Building on May 2, 7-8:30 pm
  • Real Life Church in Rapid City on May 9, 2-4 pm
  • Hot Springs Library on May 16, 5-7 pm

More reasons why this uplifted me:

  • It was so much fun meeting new friends!  People like me with severe MCS are often so isolated.  Not many events are outside like this was for me!
  • With two or three of the historical figures in particular, learning about their spiritual lives and devotion to the Lord was inspiring.
  • I got some more fresh air.
  • Our kids had a great time.

Thank the Lord for His blessings.

If you have MCS like mine, I pray that God will give you ways to get out of your prison, too!

 

Christa Upton        Black Hills Picture Books      PO Box 293      Custer, SD  57730

 

 

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What it Feels Like to Have Severe Multiple Chemical Sensitivity

Posted on April 23, 2013 by Christa Upton

Last summer we “dry camped” with no electricity for three months.  (And then with electricity for almost two months.)  Yeah, it was hard.  (But it sure helped my health!)

Anyway, one day during that time I wrote this:

Outcast.  Banished.  Leper.

That’s what I have felt like for about 3 ½ years.

My own body has banished me to the fringes of society. 

For warm food at our “campsite” tonight, my husband Steve must use propane in the Winnebago.  I must stay away.  

It’s too windy for kids to eat outside.  Steve is so tired.  He needs a break.  

I sit in my aluminum camper and decide NOT to ask him to move my bed, set up my camper table, and cart all the food here (again) so we can eat together.

So they bring out just my food and I eat by myself.  

Banished.  By MY choice at this moment.  It is worth it to give Steve a break.  

But the feelings are still there.  

Multiple Chemical Sensitivity is so devastating.  

(At least I have a husband and kids! 

But so much of the time, I don’t even feel like a part of their lives.)

Outcast.  Banished.  

Prison.

Back to today (April 22, 2013).  I am much sicker now (having had to quit camping when it got too cold).  But, I do feel more a part of my husband and kids’ lives!  They are home more now (for a variety of reasons), and Steve is making more of a conscious effort than ever to tell me details about church and other activities, help me “get to know” people, etc.

Plus, a wonderful person has worked it out so I can soon attend a presentation (outside in clean air!) with my family!!  I think this is a first since I got sick, and I am so excited!!

And, our church is working very hard to make the building safer for me.  I hope VERY much to be able to attend our son’s confirmation!!!

I still feel like I am in prison in a lot of ways, but I am so grateful for the blessings.

I know that many people feel like outcasts, whether physical or emotional (or both).  It’s a terrible feeling.

One thing that all can take comfort in is this:  the great Lord of the Universe was also an outcast.  He knows what it feels like, too.

Isaiah 53:2b-3—“He has no form or comeliness; And when we see Him, There is no beauty that we should desire Him. 3 He is despised and rejected by men, A Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. And we hid, as it were, our faces from Him; He was despised, and we did not esteem Him.”   http://www.biblestudytools.com/nkjv/isaiah/53.html

(Despised—Jesus was despised?!)

And even more good news:  there is room for all in God’s family–no one who will believe in Jesus is an outcast. 

 

Christa Upton        Black Hills Picture Books        PO Box 293        Custer, SD 57730

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Posted in God's Grace/Encouragement, Homelessness, MCS/Chronic Illness, Suffering/Grief | 4 Comments

B L T I and the Secret About Illness

Posted on April 20, 2013 by Christa Upton

Wanna know my new secret code?  (Sounds like a new sandwich, right?  🙂 )

BLTI:  Before Long Term Illness

Yes, sometimes my life naturally divides into “before” and “after” getting so sick.

But, it’s interesting to me that almost all of the differences are physical, earthly, and somewhat superficial….

I’m not denying that it has been very painful to have things in my former life (BLTI) torn away from me:  taking care of my house and kids, teaching worship dance/ballet, singing in choir, playing handbells, playing piano, gardening, hiking, attending concerts, etc.

But, all these things are what I used to DO, not really who I AM.

My basic “self” has not changed much, except mostly for the better—the things that God, in His grace, is working in me through the suffering.  (Nothing I can take credit for.)

Like fearing less.

Like depending on Him more.

Like getting a new perspective on life.

I’ve mentioned these things before, but it’s worth repeating, because it’s so easy to lose sight of the good things while going through the bad.

(What is your list of good coming from bad?  Reply below if you like!)    

So let’s take a look again at my life BLTI:  I was afraid more often.  I depended on other people too much.  I depended on myself too much.  I tried to please people too much.

Who wouldn’t want to lose those things?  So BLTI wasn’t all that great after all.  I was just looking at things in human terms rather than spiritual.

It’s HARD TO ADMIT that suffering, through the grace of God, has made me better.  I don’t like hearing that suffering is good for me.

(And I don’t want any more; stop with the “spinach” & give me “dessert”!!!)

I recently read a great devotional on that:

http://restministries.com/2013/03/25/hardship/

So illness can change a person’s life.

But by the grace of God and with Holy Spirit, illness can change a person’s life for the better.

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The Library Thief is New & Improved!

Posted on April 15, 2013 by Christa Upton

Well, the thief himself isn’t new & improved, just the book….  🙂   Sorry, couldn’t resist another silly title to my blog post.

So, the second edition of The Library Thief is available on Amazon right now!

The Library Thief

The book includes comprehension and discussion questions (and answer key) for homeschooling or educational benefits.  These questions can also be found here (printable version; scroll down a bit):  School Stuff

I re-wrote some parts of the book that were bugging me and changed a few things, and I added photos as “illustrations.”  A couple children provided me with cute artwork, and others gave me beautiful photos of scenery, etc.

Plus, my friend provided some photos of REAL 100-year-old (or older) items!! 

My long-term, extremely severe Toxic Injury/Multiple Chemical Sensitivity has been awful.  But if not for this illness, The Library Thief would not be on Amazon with photos and everything!  I am very grateful to God for bringing this good out of TI/MCS.  For all who love Him, He brings good things out of all things!!

Christa Upton     Black Hills Picture Books     PO Box 293    Custer, SD  57730

 

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Posted in Caregivers, Homeschooling, MCS/Chronic Illness, Writing/My Writing/Children's Books | Leave a comment

April Blizzard

Posted on April 12, 2013 by Christa Upton

Today I thought it would be fun just to share some photos with you.

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I took these deer photos right from my bed!!  I am so grateful for gifts from God like this.

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If my window had been open, I could have reached down and pet her!!

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I don’t think this little guy was expecting this much snow!  Steve took this amazing photo (a mountain bluebird, with snow!, 15 feet from where he was standing!) in our front yard.

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Happy Spring!  🙂

 

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Most Important Lesson for Caregivers

Posted on April 9, 2013 by Christa Upton

by Christa Upton 

It was the day of my scheduled C-section, and I was extremely excited about the birth of our third child.  I was nervous as well but expected that the worst would be over soon.

The medical professionals got everything all ready, and Steve came into the operating room with his “Daddy scrubs” on.  I tried not to think about the process too much, and we eagerly awaited the arrival of our baby.

But then the doctor said some words—they might as well have been another language.  He brought our baby around the curtain to the side where I could see, and the emotions hit.  I felt like my world was caving in, like I was falling into a hole.

I don’t remember when the words “spina bifida” were said the first time.  But I do remember lying in my hospital bed knowing my baby was 70 miles away in another hospital.

I do remember arriving at our daughter’s bedside 2 days later, terrified of what we were facing.

I remember the kind neo-natal nurses’ patience, the doctors’ words of encouragement, and the information that we slowly gathered from all the medical professionals.

Five days later we were headed home with our daughter, a boatload of medical supplies, and a binder-full of instructions.

I found myself horribly afraid that I would not do something right.  Our daughter had three disorders that can affect breathing, plus seizures developed nine months later.  They sent us home with an apnea monitor which we used religiously, but I still struggled.  I lived in fear that I would miss something, forget what the doctors had told us, or mess up somehow.

I was afraid that I would mess up and our baby would die. 

But one day, God put the most wonderful picture in my head.  He showed me that HE, the Lord of the Universe, the Creator of my child, the Master of all, is our daughter’s Doctor.  Steve and I are only the “nurses on duty.”

Of course being the nurse on duty requires a great amount of responsibility. But the ultimate Caregiver of people under our care is our loving, all-powerful God.

IMG_3075crocus photo by my Mom, Judy Ittzes

Are you a “nurse on duty”?  Are you a full-time caregiver?  (Even if you aren’t a full-time caregiver, you’ve probably been a “nurse on duty” at some point in your life.)

 

Christa Upton     Black Hills Picture Books      PO Box 293     Custer, SD 57730

 

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Sometimes God Calls us to Greater Action; Sometimes He Lifts the Burden

Posted on April 6, 2013 by Christa Upton

Today, we were facing “one of those times” again.

Outside play is terribly difficult for us, because our youngest child cannot do 90% of the “normal” activities kids do outside.  Her level of spina bifida (T-12) means that she cannot stand, walk, run, climb, etc. etc.  Exploring the outdoors from a wheelchair is VERY hard.  Crawling in the outdoors can scratch her legs, which is dangerous because they don’t heal easily.

But we refuse to let our older kids simply “leave her behind” on a daily basis.  (We take situations like this on a case-by-case basis.)  Yet of course the older kids are limited in how they can help her, and Steve is very busy taking care of everything in our lives right now.  (And now, I can’t help her physically at all.)

Steve was with our youngest in another room, and I gently spoke to the older kids about compassion, etc.

I also told them that we would be praying and talking about how we can manage this ongoing problem.

I felt sad, once again struggling with balancing our three children’s needs and desires.  I felt so discouraged that I can’t “beat this thing.”

Then God intervened.

The kids went out to play and shortly, a fun idea came up that they loved.

Then, they found a new “hideout” (in between pine trees) that our youngest child could go in.  They came up with a new “game” (something about mysteries and bad guys), and suddenly they were all happy and enjoying the outdoors, including our youngest.

A lovely hour, a wonderful blessing, a lifting of all our spirits, a gift from God.

In past times (like the last five years), God has asked me to step up to the plate and work hard figuring out solutions, listening to our kids, trying to figure out the right thing to do, and thinking way outside the box with creativity.

At times, I have felt He was asking too much of me.  But of course He wasn’t; He’s God!!!!

This time, He just lifted the burden.

Where has God called you to greater action?  Or what burden has He lifted from your shoulders?

Christa Upton     Black Hills Picture Books   PO Box 293   Custer, SD 57730

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Posted in Caregivers, God's Grace/Encouragement, Suffering/Grief | 4 Comments

Publishing on Kindle

Posted on April 3, 2013 by Christa Upton

I think it’s going to work!!!

Just yesterday, as I posted, I was still trying not to pull my hair out in frustration.

A new day, a “fresh” perspective, and new Google search turned up this:

http://www.cjs-easy-as-pie.com/p/kindle-publishing.html

I tried using Word, and voila! my photos show up and my text is decent!

Now:  a few more tweaks in Word, finishing touches, reformatting all the photos now (instead of just the “test” photos), finishing the enrollment/publishing process….  Almost done, and everything looks like it’s going to work this time.   Praise God!!!

 

Christa Upton             Black Hills Picture Books            PO Box 293             Custer, SD 57730

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The Library Thief Stole My Time

Posted on April 2, 2013 by Christa Upton

Couldn’t resist a silly title for my blog post today.  🙂

So I’m trying to get my new version of The Library Thief up on Amazon Kindle.  Everything went smoothly except the photos.  I knew it would be tricky, but ARGH, what a headache!!!

I’ve tried a gazillion different ways of messing with the photos, re-uploaded the book a gazillion times, and researched online about this as much as my fuzzy brain will allow.  But I still come up with no photos, only an annoying camera icon with red triangle and exclamation point.

I can get the photos to work uploading with a different format, but then the text doesn’t look nice.

If I could pay someone to deal with this headache, I would in a heartbeat!  But alas, as many are saying out there, writers must now be technology literate, marketing savvy, etc.

On the other hand, last year at this time I never dreamed I’d have a website like this by now.  I started planning and writing down ideas for a website over a year ago (because I was bored and sick in my bed), but I was totally thinking I’d have to wait five or ten years.

I was blown away with how cheap I could get even a self-hosted site and further amazed that my husband & I could set it up ourselves (with Word Press help, etc.).  Praise God for all the resources and help He has sent my way!!!!

Going back to the book—even though the book is “stealing” time from me, it will feel extra good when it’s done.  Extra effort equals extra satisfaction (usually).

Prayers appreciated, though!

PS especially for those of you praying for our housing situation:  nothing new on the housing front, but God has granted a reprieve.  The outside environment here has been better the last three days.  Not sure why, though we have our guesses….  But it means we can air the house out, and my health has improved slightly!

 

Christa Upton     Black Hills Picture Books       PO Box 293      Custer, SD 57730

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