Whose Fault?

index-315754_1280There are people who think everything is everyone else’s fault.  And there are people who think everything is their own fault.  I’m the latter.

Maybe there are even balanced people who know that not everything is “someone’s fault” and can also think clearly whether they need to forgive (someone else’s fault) or repent (their own fault).

Back to me, because that’s what blogs are for, right—to talk about yourself?  LOL  (JK)

It’s tough being my type.  Something goes wrong—I wonder what I did to cause it.  I blame myself for bad things; I wonder how I could have tried harder.

Although if I had a choice between being these two types of people, I would still choose “blame myself” because I’d rather cause myself undue pain than cause others undue pain.

But of course better still is working toward that balanced person.  🙂

I think one truth along the journey is realizing that no matter how hard we or anyone else tries, we cannot stop all bad things.  We have to accept lack of control.  This is hard to do, especially when one has been through traumatic events.

Even harder (I think) is accepting the fact that even though God DOES have ability to stop all bad things, He doesn’t do it.

As I have said in previous posts, I don’t think any amount of reasoning will ever explain “why.”  But God has given many people through the centuries the faith to believe that He is Love anyway.  That He is perfect, that we can trust Him no matter how awful things get.

Through my own scary journey with MCS, God has helped relieve me of false-guilt shackles, wrong ways of thinking, and blaming myself for everything.

I still struggle (and probably always will until heaven), but I can see progress.

It helps to distinguish between moral choices and choices which are inherently neither moral nor immoral (such as what to make for lunch or how to do laundry).  Sometimes choices which are neither moral nor immoral lead to bad things happening, but unless God warned (and the person ignored God), I believe these are not sins and should not cause guilt even if they seem to cause bad circumstances.

A related area is abuser/abuse victim false guilt.  It is common, I hear.  It finally happened to me.  Someone in authority wrote abusive things to me/us and copied many other people (having become confused themselves but hurtful and abusive nonetheless).  For months I struggled with what I had done to cause it.

My husband Steve helped me see it this way:  when someone runs a red light (makes a bad choice) and hits you, you do not blame yourself for “not swerving out of the way.”  Yes.  So true.

Sometimes bad things in relationships have roots in both parties.  But even then, when a huge obstacle appears in the relationship, there is often someone running a red light.  The one getting hit should not blame themselves for getting hit.

Don’t give blame when it’s not their fault; don’t accept blame when it’s not your fault.  Accept circumstances when it is no one’s fault.  Easier said than done, but finding strength in God makes it easier.


Black Hills Picture Books      Edgemont, SD   57735

About Christa Upton

I am a wife and mother of three children ages 11, 14, and 18. I used to be a stay-at-home mom (teaching piano & dance, volunteering, etc). From 2007 to 2010, I suffered accidental Toxic Injury (also called Multiple Chemical Sensitivity or MCS). MCS has had major impact on our family, but the forced time in bed has given me time to write. So far, I have published 4 children's books (2 in e-book format on Kindle, one in Print-on-Demand at CreateSpace, and one printed by a local printer). Sometimes I miss my old life, but I love writing for children!
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