Please Bear with Me

Posted on January 19, 2013 by Christa Upton

by Christa Upton

I recently read online about a woman’s severe Multiple Chemical Sensitivity (MCS).  My MCS is so much more severe than hers that I’m in a different category.

So what do I have—maybe “extremely severe MCS”??

I guess so.  That explains why I’m in the category of MCS people who have to move so often.  One person involved with the Chemical Sensitivity Foundation told us there are thousands, probably tens of thousands, of people with MCS unable to find safe housing.  Maybe all of us are “extremely severe.”

It also explains why, during this new accidental exposure to more toxins and probably having to move again, I am going to quit blogging for a while.

I feel that God has called me to blog and share our story (which actually helps me cope with everything) and share what we have learned.  I hope that I can help others with MCS, especially when they are first learning about it.   I hope that I can help others grow closer to God.

But oftentimes right now I am so tired I can barely think.  Plus I need to save some of my “thinking energy” for homeschooling and a few important projects right now.

So, thanks for bearing with me during my “blogging break.”  (I will try to check and approve your comments, though.)  (NOTE:  I have not yet figured out how to give you the option to “subscribe to comments,” so feel free to check my website for any answers I might have written you.  🙂 )

Of course we would appreciate your prayers!!  (We know so many of you are already praying for us!!)

Christa

Black Hills Picture Books      PO Box 293     Custer, SD 57730

 

 

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Where is Summer when you Need It?

Posted on January 13, 2013 by Christa Upton

by Christa Upton

Ah—summer!  Lush green plants, warm sun, wildflowers, cicadas buzzing….

The older I get, the more amazed I am at how during the deepest winter, summer seems impossible.

I would have thought I’d have outgrown this by now, but there is something about the frigid cold, snow, and ice that makes me feel like summer will never come again.

I think that suffering can be like this.  Walking through tough circumstances, one can begin to think that better times are never coming.

Are they?  Can I guarantee you that better times are coming?

Well, yes and no.

I would like to say that every earthly trial has to end sometime during a person’s lifetime, but I can’t.  Some trials literally continue until death.

Ugh—what a prospect.

For an example of this, take a look at Luke 16 (the story of the rich man and Lazarus):  http://www.biblestudytools.com/luke/passage.aspx?q=luke+16:19-31

However, notice verse 25, “But Abraham replied, ‘Son, remember that in your lifetime you received your good things, while Lazarus received bad things, but now he is comforted here and you are in agony….’”  How much, much better to be Lazarus!!!!

Does that mean that you have to be poor and sick to get to heaven?  Of course not.  God’s plan for each Christian on earth can be quite different than His plan for another Christian.  When God gives monetary blessing, it can be enjoyed and used for great good.

But obviously, being poor (or having other struggles and trials) is NOT a sign of God’s rejection.

And, anyone who believes on the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and is baptized can look forward to the ultimate ending of pure happiness.

What about the hope “for the now”?

Am I personally okay with the thought that I may never get a safe house to recover in, that I may never come to “my summer”?  Some days yes, more often no.  But if God wants me to get to a place of being okay with this “forever,” I pray that He will help me do that.

As I ponder this, a relief is starting to come over me—I think the relief of letting go of a dream to which I have held so tightly that it became rather a burden.  Strange that a dream can become a burden, isn’t it?

I also have to say that this journey with Multiple Chemical Sensitivity has not been as bad as it might sound.

Yes, some things have caused deep grief the depth of which I didn’t know existed.  (Etc.)

But in some ways, I feel like Buttercup and Wesley having come out of the horrifying Fire Swamp (in the movie The Princess Bride)—

Buttercup:  “We did it.”

Wesley:  “Now, was that so terrible?”

Buttercup smiles wearily, and they start to kiss, just before their next difficulty pops up….

God has brought us this far.  Whatever comes, He will bring us through that too.

 

Christa Upton       Black Hills Picture Books     PO Box 293     Custer, SD 57730

 

 

 

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55 Moves in 2.7 Years

Posted on January 10, 2013 by Christa Upton

Since acquiring severe Multiple Chemical Sensitivity, I have slept in our car four nights, on our driveway for a couple weeks, in a tent, on piles of quilts on decks, and in a camper with tracked-in snow and ice literally frozen to the aluminum camper floor.

Why?  Because sleeping inside would have caused me to have trouble breathing, eating, sleeping, or all three.

For the same reasons, we have had to suddenly leave our home (due to chemicals/toxins) five times.  All five times, we did not know where we were going to live next until the day before we moved.

I am not able to stay with family or friends because most of them live in the city (pollution that devastates my body), others live in “moldy forests,” etc.

Since we left our mold house in Indiana (April 2010), I have had to move to a different place 55 times. That includes 8 “true” moves (moving all of our stuff to a new place of residence), 18 temporary places we stayed in between residences, and the 7 places I stayed by myself (in a camper).

In those 55 moves, I have had to go back to a temporary place I had stayed before 22 times.  For instance, I’ve ended up at the State Game Lodge campground in Custer five times—twice as a “planned” camping spot and the other three times using their Camping Cabins in emergency situations.

Other times, I stayed somewhere in the camper without electricity a couple nights to be safer/recover a little but then had to move back to civilization because it was too cold to be without heat after that.

Still other times, I’ve been relatively safe one place but then something happened in the environment to make me not safe there anymore (rain/increased mold growth, someone spraying a chemical, burn ban lifted so campfire smoke, etc.)

And other times, I have been staying in a less-than-ideal place (such as right now), and the “load” of chemicals finally built up to make me unable to tolerate the environment anymore.

I also know and/or have read about people with severe MCS—most of them highly educated with no addictions—sleeping long-term on porches, in tents in winter, or in their cars for weeks, months, or even years, due to their MCS. 

Let’s be honest—I am probably shocking some readers by what I am writing.  How can this be, in 21st Century America?

BUT, I am in good company. Matthew 8:20 says, “Jesus replied, ‘Foxes have dens and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.’”

I can tell you this—I never thought much about this Scripture until I got severe MCS and had no place to lay my head!!!

Now I think about it a lot and feel enormous comfort that the Lord of the Universe knows what this is like.

PS  I had this post all ready to go a while ago, and this week we are facing yet another housing crisis.  But, keep a look-out for my next post for something wonderful the Lord is working in my heart….

Christa Upton      Black Hills Picture Books       PO Box 293     Custer, SD 57730

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Posted in Homelessness, Homeschooling, MCS/Chronic Illness, Mold/Mould, Suffering/Grief | 9 Comments

Praying for your Friends

Posted on January 8, 2013 by Christa Upton

Have you ever wondered what you should pray for your friend who is going through a hard time?  This post (link below) is from a friend of ours.  The post revolves around a prayer that we hope people pray for us more than any other!

To read it, go to:  http://tomakeyouthink.wordpress.com/2013/01/03/wrestling-in-prayer/

 

Christa Upton      Black Hills Picture Books      PO Box 293      Custer, SD 57730

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Homemade Refried Beans

Posted on January 8, 2013 by Christa Upton

by Christa Upton

Okay, so refried beans don’t have much to do with Multiple Chemical Sensitivity (MCS), suffering, books, children (unless they like beans), or the Black Hills, but homemade refried beans sure are good!!  🙂

Here is the recipe we found recently, and I absolutely love it (except might use less salt next time):

http://moneysavingmom.com/2012/03/how-to-make-homemade-refried-beans.html

Put finished beans in a flour tortilla with a little cooked venison, salsa, and maybe sour cream, and wow—yummy lunch!!

(Nice homemade tortilla recipe here:  http://www.theprairiehomestead.com/2012/06/soft-homemade-tortillas.html.)

Actually, homemade beans and tortillas do have to do with MCS….  Many people with MCS find that they cannot tolerate certain prepared foods, additives, etc.  This is one of a huge number of recipes that has helped me eat healthier and avoid physical detriment from food.  (Feel free to let me know if you would like more posts or links to healthy recipes!)

Two benefits to homemade cooking (rather than using “factory foods”) are that many homemade foods taste better (IMHO) and are cheaper.  I always used to think that canned goods were cheaper, but after watching Robert Irvine (Food Network) enough, I’m convinced that canned food can be more expensive!   That’s not to say we personally don’t use canned food when it makes sense to us, though.  (I will not be inviting Robert Irvine to criticize our pantry or food preparation!  LOL)

Two negatives to homemade cooking are that it usually takes a lot more work and a lot more time.

Having MCS and the “increased” need for healthy eating is what tips the scales for us.

In particular, I get headaches from cooking anything with nitrites in it (bacon, ham) and even worse headaches if I eat it.  (I’ve been tempted to eat cheap bacon anyway but so far haven’t given in.  I’m trying to remember headaches are no good for me even for the joy of bacon….  🙂 )  I got terrible symptoms once from some candy (likely the strong artificial flavors in it), “normal” (pasteurized) dairy products cause me icky symptoms, and cinnamon and mint give me heartburn.  In addition, I like to avoid anything likely to have greater amounts of MSG, silicon, artificial color, or sodium benzoate in it.

But with these exceptions, I am blessed in that I can eat some foods with who-knows-what in it every once in a while!!  (So hand over that Milky Way bar, please….   🙂 )

 

Christa Upton      Black Hills Picture Books      PO Box 293      Custer, SD 57730

 

 

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Hating New Year’s Resolutions

Posted on January 2, 2013 by Christa Upton

by Christa Upton

I hate New Year’s Resolutions.  I hate thinking about them, trying to make them, trying to keep them….  So why in the world would I blog about them?  🙂

Well, I realized that I’m probably not alone in why I hate New Year’s Resolutions—they’re too hard to keep and they might remind me of last year’s resolutions I didn’t keep.

Guess what—God’s grace is an answer to both problems.

I’ll start with the latter problem—being reminded of other resolutions I haven’t kept.  A relative and I recently had the most wonderful conversation about confession and absolution.  She said, “Confession makes one feel cleansed, humbled, free!”  I agree completely!!

The price that Jesus Christ paid for our sins by dying on the cross is total and complete, so God can offer us forgiveness when we come to Him.  There is incredible freedom in that!!!!

We don’t need to suffer guilt over our past failures because Jesus’ death has paid for our bad choices, mistakes, and failures.  We confess, turn from our sin, and make restitution if need be. “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”  I John 1:9

Now I will address the former problem—resolutions being too hard to keep.  Especially when our kids struggle over and over with a particular sin or character flaw, we often remind them to ask God to help them.  Adults can (and should) ask God for help, too!

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin.  Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”  Hebrews 4:15-16

If there is something we need to accomplish (whether we call it a “New Year’s Resolution” or not), we can ask God for the strength, ability, determination, etc. to do it!

When we remember these truths of forgiveness, grace, and help through God, we can give up the burdens of false guilt and dread.

Sometimes we can’t do anything about our burdens of suffering, but ANYONE can give up the unnecessary burdens of false guilt and dread and receive instead God’s forgiveness and help!!

Christa Upton       Black Hills Picture Books         PO Box 293        Custer, SD 57730

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Guest Post–Surviving the Holidays

Posted on December 13, 2012 by Christa Upton

Guest Post by Janine Ridings       http://aromaofchrist.com/

I cry aloud to the Lord; I lift up my voice to the Lord for mercy. I pour out my complaint before him; before him I tell my trouble  (Psalm 142:1-2).

Many of us with MCS struggle during the holiday season as we try and cope with all the losses that MCS has brought to our lives.  Many of us are no longer able to attend Christmas concerts, family parties, go shopping at the mall, and participate in other things we enjoyed prior to having MCS.  We are often left to wonder how we are going to cope during this time of the year.  I want to mention a few tips that help me during this potentially lonely and difficult time of year.

First, be honest about your feelings to yourself and to God. Allow yourself permission to grieve your losses. Throughout the Psalms, David shows us by example how to pour out our hearts to God.  In Psalm 144, David tells God all about his trials, and cries out to God for help.  In verse 7, David says:

Reach down your hand from on high; deliver me and rescue me from the mighty waters.

During the holidays we may experience times of feeling desperate or depressed.  If so, we need to call out to God to help us through.  Psalm 146:8b says:

…the Lord lifts up those who are bowed down, the Lord loves the righteous.

Another thing we can do is to try and change our expectations of the holiday season.  As our lives and circumstances change, we need to readjust our priorities and where we are looking for pleasure during the holiday season.  Try and figure out new ways to enjoy the season.  It may be going out for a special lunch with a friend, cooking yourself a special meal at home, or enjoying Christmas concerts on TV.  Think of some creative ways to enjoy the season.

If you have the energy, try and do something special for someone else.  It could be sending a Christmas card to someone you know who is lonely, or calling a hospital and finding out if there are cancer patients you could send a card to.  It could be sharing a bag of groceries or a box of tangerines with a needy family.  Getting our eyes off ourselves and onto others is a great way to avoid the holiday blues.

Above all, spend time alone with God, worshipping Him and thanking Him for the gift of His special son, Jesus.  He really is what the season is all about, and those of us who have been stripped of many of the holiday activities are fortunate in the sense that we have more time than some to focus on Jesus and all He means to us.  We can find peace in God as we focus on glorifying Him.  In Luke 2:13, the heavenly host of angels who were announcing Christ’s birth to the shepherds said:

Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests.

May the peace of Christ rule and reign in our hearts during the holiday season.

from Christa:  Thank you, Janine, for allowing me to post your devotional, and thank you for the comfort and help it brings!!!

 

Christa Upton       Black Hills Picture Books        PO Box 293     Custer, SD 57730

 

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Why?

Posted on December 10, 2012 by Christa Upton

by Christa Upton

For Nathan’s first Christmas program, I enjoyed singing in the choir, directing the dance team and dancing with them, and directing the choir for one song (Steve’s solo).  Nathan (at 3 years old!) sang in the children’s choir and even had a short solo.  I still remember his adorable costume.

For Alyssa’s first Christmas program, I sewed Alyssa’s costume and helped with rehearsals.  I remember how cute she was standing with her singing partner and waving her country flag.  (It was “Christmas around the World.”)  Nathan also enjoyed being part of the children’s choir.

For Sarah’s first Christmas program, I will be home all by myself.

That’s the devastation of Multiple Chemical Sensitivity (MCS).  I am so sick right now that I cannot attend church.  We hope that I might be able to attend Nathan’s confirmation in the spring, especially because it will probably be warm enough for me to escape outside or to our car if I begin having breathing problems.  But it would not be wise for me to try to attend our Christmas program.

Sarah is very excited about being an angel.  Nathan and Alyssa are looking forward to their singing and reading parts.  I am very happy for such a great church and the wonderful volunteers that are putting the program together!!!  I’m grateful for our kids’ eagerness to participate.

But why do I have to be left out (again)?  I miss a lot of things with my MCS limitations, but some of the most grief-inducing are the things I will never get back, like Sarah’s first Christmas program.

Yes, it’s a stupid question (“Why?”).  But I believe God doesn’t mind when I feel compelled to ask it anyway.

No, I don’t feel that God has given me an answer to “Why,” but far from imagining a “cold silence,” I feel that I can interpret this difficult thing in light of this Scripture:  “He heals the broken-hearted….”  Psalm 147:3 (NKJV)

In one sense, missing this program is a very small thing to be “broken-hearted” over.  There are much, much worse things, including things in my own life.  But I do think God understands my pain.  He knows that I would like to be among those whom our kids see in the smiling faces in the congregation as they participate in the program.  He knows that I want to experience the service for “real” (as opposed to “distant” videos of it after the fact).  He knows I would like to feel the response of those around me and fellowship with those fellow congregation members. And, I know He understands.

He understands your pain, too.

“He (Jesus) is despised and rejected by men, a Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief….”  Isaiah 53:3 (NKJV)

Christa Upton             Black Hills Picture Books            PO Box 293        Custer, SD 57730

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Homeless, the Third Time

Posted on December 7, 2012 by Christa Upton

by Christa Upton

Today I will share more of our “story”….

To recap a bit, my mysterious homeless-causing illness came about largely due to hidden mold in our house.

Upon leaving our moldy house, my energy rose a little and some symptoms disappeared almost immediately.  But I  have heredity susceptibility to certain illnesses and had been in the mold toxins too long; I had suffered full-blown, severe Toxic Injury.

Now I found myself getting heart problems from fabric softeners (most of which contain petrochemicals), vertigo from new tar and gas station fumes, extreme nausea from new plastics, muscle pain or headaches or faintness etc. from various other chemicals.  My energy level was still FAR from normal, I struggled with digestion and sleep, and every day I encountered chemicals that caused (and still cause) problems.  Another name for this is Multiple Chemical Sensitivity (MCS).

The recommendations for me were:  arid or semi-arid climate (especially because my particular Toxic Injury was triggered by mold), possibly higher altitude, no agriculture (aerial spraying), and as remote as possible.

Eventually we moved to the Black Hills of South Dakota, and immediately my energy rose a little further.  Overall, I had not felt this good since before the mold house!!!  Also, the rental house we had found (with the wonderful help of some local relatives!) was better than most rentals regarding inherent chemicals and triggers.

But seven months later came the rain.  And more rain, and more rain.  Apparently the Black Hills got more rain that spring than in many years.  The mold count shot up, especially in the Central Hills where we were living.

I found myself getting more and more exhausted and dizzy.  Familiar symptoms began creeping up on me, and eventually I had trouble eating, sleeping, or even making it to the restroom across the hall.  A day or so after that, I began having breathing trouble known as Reactive Airway Syndrome or occupational asthma.

We stayed with friends for a few days, but they lived in the Northern Hills which were wet and therefore moldy, too.  A relative graciously offered for us to stay with them in the city.  We knew I didn’t (don’t) do well in any city, but they were on the outskirts—maybe it would be okay….

Steve finished his tasks for the day and loaded up the car, and we drove out around 4pm.

Within a few minutes of entering the city, I had the worst breathing problems I’d ever had, and my right arm went numb.  I was scared!!

We stopped by our relative’s house and then got out of the city as fast as we could.  We knew going back to our home would only keep me breathing badly (etc.), so we headed south with our relative’s tent and some campground information.  (Fortunately, it was a beautiful July evening!!)

God gave us the grace to purposefully lead the kids into a sense of excitement, looking at our situation as an adventure.  (My health problems were a terrible/scary reason for the adventure, but why not make it fun?)

After procuring pizza, nachos, and fudge, we finally found some good Camping Cabins.  The environment was dry enough that I was breathing well.  I could not sleep in the Cabin (detergent/fabric softener pervading the atmosphere), so I slept in the car.  But we were all together and safe, and the kids had a fun, good place to sleep.

It took us two weeks to find a house to rent.  The camping part wasn’t so bad (except that campfires are very hard on me).  Wondering when we would find a house was pretty hard.

But I look at life differently than I used to, and I am glad for that!

 

Christa Upton        Black Hills Picture Books        PO Box 293          Custer, SD    57730

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Desert Flowers

Posted on December 3, 2012 by Christa Upton

by Christa Upton

Think of a desert.  What comes to mind?  Endless sand, wind, sun, cactus plants….  Camels plodding along, mirages, bones, death….

But did you know that there are tiny flowers in the desert, so tiny they can hardly be seen without a magnifying glass?  You can see them on this amazing DVD from Moody Science Classics:

Hidden Treasures DVD

It is surprising that such beauty can be found in an arid, unforgiving place like the desert.

A long-term illness such as my Multiple Chemical Sensitivity (MCS) can feel like a desert—vast, brutal, lonely.  But even in the desert of MCS, tiny flowers can be found.

These “flowers” may come in the form of someone who lends a helping hand, a child’s laughter, or a beautiful sunset.  They may come as a free book on Kindle, a warm meal, a call from an old friend, or a good video.  I recently found a flower in my desert—a young person, practically a stranger, willing to listen to a middle-aged woman’s ramblings (mine) about life challenges with MCS.

Of course there are many deserts besides MCS.  Maybe you have found yourself in a desert of a trial—small or large, relatively short-term or quite long-term.

In the desert, searching for an end to the suffering, one can easily forget the flowers.  After all, while trudging through the desert, the “sand,” “heat,” and suffering are much easier to see than the nearly-invisible “flowers.”

But God is gracious to send us flowers even in our deserts.

If you are going through any kind of desert right now, have you encountered any “desert flowers”?  I would love to hear your comments!

 

Christa Upton       Black Hills Picture Books        PO Box 293      Custer, SD 57730

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