Last summer we “dry camped” with no electricity for three months. (And then with electricity for almost two months.) Yeah, it was hard. (But it sure helped my health!)
Anyway, one day during that time I wrote this:
Outcast. Banished. Leper.
That’s what I have felt like for about 3 ½ years.
My own body has banished me to the fringes of society.
For warm food at our “campsite” tonight, my husband Steve must use propane in the Winnebago. I must stay away.
It’s too windy for kids to eat outside. Steve is so tired. He needs a break.
I sit in my aluminum camper and decide NOT to ask him to move my bed, set up my camper table, and cart all the food here (again) so we can eat together.
So they bring out just my food and I eat by myself.
Banished. By MY choice at this moment. It is worth it to give Steve a break.
But the feelings are still there.
Multiple Chemical Sensitivity is so devastating.
(At least I have a husband and kids!
But so much of the time, I don’t even feel like a part of their lives.)
Back to today (April 22, 2013). I am much sicker now (having had to quit camping when it got too cold). But, I do feel more a part of my husband and kids’ lives! They are home more now (for a variety of reasons), and Steve is making more of a conscious effort than ever to tell me details about church and other activities, help me “get to know” people, etc.
Plus, a wonderful person has worked it out so I can soon attend a presentation (outside in clean air!) with my family!! I think this is a first since I got sick, and I am so excited!!
And, our church is working very hard to make the building safer for me. I hope VERY much to be able to attend our son’s confirmation!!!
I still feel like I am in prison in a lot of ways, but I am so grateful for the blessings.
I know that many people feel like outcasts, whether physical or emotional (or both). It’s a terrible feeling.
One thing that all can take comfort in is this: the great Lord of the Universe was also an outcast. He knows what it feels like, too.
Isaiah 53:2b-3—“He has no form or comeliness; And when we see Him, There is no beauty that we should desire Him. 3 He is despised and rejected by men, A Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. And we hid, as it were, our faces from Him; He was despised, and we did not esteem Him.” http://www.biblestudytools.com/nkjv/isaiah/53.html
(Despised—Jesus was despised?!)
And even more good news: there is room for all in God’s family–no one who will believe in Jesus is an outcast.
Christa Upton Black Hills Picture Books PO Box 293 Custer, SD 57730